Saturday, 18 October 2014

Some Jokes

Just a few jokes
  • It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally.

  • A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus…. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

  • René Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender asks if he wants anything. … René says, “I think not,” then disappears.

  • Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar… followed by Batman.

  • Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?… He’s 0K now.

  • Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of a sudden the phone rings… Pavlov gasps, “Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dogs.”

  • Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath…. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

  • How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? … Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”

  • What’s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?… An etymologist knows the difference.

  • The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant. … Which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.

  •  There are two types of people in this world:… Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

  • There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who know binary and those who don't

  • A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage…. The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”

  • Your momma is so mean… she has no standard deviation.

  • I’m thinking about selling my theremin… I haven’t touched it in years.

The author of Windows file copy dialog visits some friends. [xkcd.com]

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